After all, hum sab ek hain…

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Tamils are always proud to be Tamizhs; Pretty courteous (that is what they [we??] think, at least!). We speak yenglish but sorry, no indi (Hindi) saar…what da?? The more common Madarasi (chennaisi…, now?) is an ardent fan of kireeket matches. Our counterparts in Bombay think they live in America but speak Hinglish like …are you sure ki Sujata aa rahi hai ya Ill go akela!” And we take great pride in making stupid mistakes in Hindi Grammar.

Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have “simble” neighbours in the “Keralites” who  are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the middle east, I gess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of chai shops in the wourrld and form 99.89% of nursing community.

Not far begind the kerals is the Telugu desam, who are totally againesht flaunting their wealthu to the woruldu, though they occasionally come out withu bricku redu shirtsu and parrot green pantsu with pleetsu (pleat). Worustu,no?! But they (think) are greatu in CICSu, Microsu and COBOLu! Generally sane peoplesu (and so you can always findu them judgingu, probhingu, queschioningu othersu ….), not to mentionu, also treating you to a lot of Tirupati prasadamsulu… Cheppandi?

The Canadians, excuse me, the Kannadigas aor (are) the coolest dobun south but if there is political unrest in Hersogovnia oare (or) an ebolavirus outbreak in Zaire, Cauvery very bad! I-ron, firshtu, girlu, Lasht Bussu, roadu, crickeatu, filamu are some of their favourites. *In an american accent* They are also the closest down south to pull this accent off, of courshu under certain circumstansus. Enjoy maadi boss…

Maharashtrians are a conservative, confused, complex lot-kar. -Kar, that is because  gavasakar,  tendulkar, bahulkar,.. confused that is because sitting in southern part of  India they would ask the other person “are you from Maharashtra or from south  India..?” and genuinely wonder why theother person takes some time to answer  the question. They like the principles of pheejix and their favourite character in the alphabet is Zay (although God alone knows where that came from). They are soft, peace loving people but they elect the Shivsena to rule them.

And right there next to the Maharashtrians are the Gujjubhais. They like to keep kes in the benk and their favorite past time is eating snakes (snacks) like paav bhaji, masala papad and pijja at the local snake bar. They gobble down palak sev like their life depends on it and believe in the brotherhood and sisterhood of man and woman (everybody is a bhai or a ben).

If you go further eesht, the land uf Udissa – the land of irron (“r” unsilent) where sombalpuroa and Bhubaneshbara are big towns. The people are bery cordial and if you are Vikram they bill soorly ask your name starts from B or Bhe. They do not sout, sam or soot but occasnally bawsh their phace at the wasbashin. James Bond Mohanty in our colleze had a roll nomber jero, jero, sebhen.

Bengalees are bery bery similor, but or bery proud oph Subas Chondro Boash and Shoatyojit Roy (I used to know a director by name Satyajit Ray who wasalso pretty good) and eberybody is X da. I used to  habe a friend by name. Dada, Bonder…neber mind. Bot I most conphess, Roshgollas are bery goooood, tho!

Bihari kids are supposed to be the smartest kids in India (if not in the universe!). How we wish they grow up the same way,.. but… And Bihareesare bery phond of Laloo and Ranchi, isse bhadiya tu mre pass koochi hai kaa?! spit spit… 

UPites and MPites are busy going to ischool and istudying metals to make lots of ishteel.

Punjabis are very sweet and aggressive and offer Rotti Shotti Khayega! To which I once replied No. He said Tage itu, yaar! By Godu! Surjeetu, what happenedu, oi?!.  Then of course, everybodys a paappe or a kaakke. Thats Pnjab for you.

And Kashmir (called Cashmir by many, may be because of the amount of cash spent to keep it in India)?!?I know Roja (or Roza?) Was shot (I mean filmed) somewhere nearby…

But at the end of the day, wherever you are in the world, whether it is in Sunnyvale, CA; Birmingham, UK; Umm Al Quwain, UAE or Serangoon Road, Singapore, ask them who they are and you’ll get just one answer —

“INDIANS” ala Bharat Vaasi AFTER ALL HUM SAAB EK HAIN!!!

Received as a forward and then edited by me. Partial credit goes to the genius who had come up with the original script!

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8 thoughts on “After all, hum sab ek hain…

  1. Joe Kulangara

    man. good to see you back in form and posting stuff again.

    p.s. must’ve given you a head ache reading and editing this man.

  2. Thamizhs, are verrry lecky to have “simble” neighbours in the “Keralites” who are a komblex race of peoblle (they migrated around 2000 B.C. from the middle east, I gess; and now even the Sheikhs feel wary of them) but they eat a lot of chooclyte and own 99.998765% of chai shops in the wourrld and form 99.89% of nursing community.

    Enough of explanation? 2nd para =P! Hehehe, we can always right more ya know ;-)!

  3. Well what am I? Aliya, njaan aanu Kerala Pandi ;-)! Don’t think anything else can really categorize me. Am a Tamilian by birth and language and am a Keralite coz I spent 19 years of me life there. =)!

    Sthalle… Ithaarennu chodichaal, aliya ninte achhan ennu njaan parayum =P!

  4. Man… It was one hilarious post! I’ll paste a mail below, of similar kind but not just funny. I really liked the way a lady Chennai has whiplashed a Northie who thinks himself big! I’ve seen a lot of the latter kind who consider people from south are just good for nothing

    From: Cheryle Mariam Jacob
    Sent: Wed 3/7/2007 10:44 AM
    To: Mangesh Panditrao Aswar; Mathura Prabhaker; Kavitha Rajan; Charanya Sivakumar; Karthik Venkatraman; Karthik Thirupathy; Muralidhar S01; Suresh Pachaiappan
    Subject: RE: Chennai Update
    See i think a few things are pretty true here…But most of it are just mere exaggeration. He has just written all his effusive frustration here..!! I live here in bangalore, and trust me its much more expensive than wht he thinks.. i have lived in Chennai and Bangalore, and in Kerala, so i do know the difference between most of the places in South India.. Chennai is supposed to be the second cheapest metropolitan city after Calcutta and any other cities in India.

    Language – Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they dont speak up.

    For your Kind information, nobody knows Hindi here. Only non-tamilians living in Chennai take Hindi (like me) while most of them take French. And excluding the non-localites, people converse in ENGLISH.

    People – We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout). So conservative, that noone talks even in the bus.

    They are not conservative damn it…ALL INDIANS are like that..!! The same happens in Bangalore, Hyderabad or Pune..U dont strike a coversation with a stranger out of the blue..!!

    Food – Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal. We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).

    Excuse’ Moi ..!! When i went to the north (not specifying which place), me being a south-indian, had a tough time, hunting for some good rice to eat, because all i got was Aloo Paratha, Aloo Gobi, Gobi Manchurian, Aloo Muttor, Aloo Roast etc.. Wonder if they invented Aloo Juice.. Each of them have their own culture for taste and sense..!! So dont blame any place.

    Weather – summer from october to feb and rest of the year it’s deadly summer.

    Damn it, dont tell me you would complain that it dint rain or snow in Sahara when you where there..!! Oh please, for heaven sake, each area has a difference in climate. India is not small as u get to see in the world map.

    Lesiure – TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends

    Hahahaa….Atleast you get to see a beach buddy..!!

    Rent – 6.5 K / 1 BHK

    Do you know the size of the rooms?? They would be huge. I pay 7K for a 1BHK, that is just as big as my bathroom in Chennai..!!

    Advance – 6 months

    Buddy, i pay an adavnce of 11 months.. !! So who is to blame??

    Aata – Rs. 26 /kg
    Apple – Rs 100 /kg
    Orange – Rs. 10/piece
    Banana – Rs 3 /piece
    Mausmi Juice -Rs 18 /glass
    Jeans Dryclean – Rs.40
    Phulka – Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.8)

    Hahahaaa..!! Pillsbury Aata costs the same all over India dear..!! Sorry these things dont worth an argument..

    1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange)
    God give me a break..!!

    2. We asked an auto driver, “hindi aati hai”?. He replied in hindi “Hindi nahi aati”.
    Buddy, thats the only thing they would have learnt in Hindi..!! For heaven sake, stop having false impressions that hindi is our National Language..!! It isnt..i have no time for this argument again..!! I never knew they speak Tamil in Delhi or Bombay..!! So why Hindi in Chennai..!! Use a more worldy used language, ENGLISH.

    3. The most common suffix here is ‘a’, e.g.
    straight – straighta
    2 cup tea – 2 cupa tea
    Yes, like the way you’ll pronunce, thirty (therty as thartty) and fourteen (forteen as farteen)..!! Somebody stop me..!!

    4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
    Atleast they get to eat something, not starved to death.. and yeah, less stray dogs, that they would be famished and start feeding on children.

    5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
    What else do what us to name?? Elvis Presley or Brad Pitt?? Atleast Elizabeth Hurly or Angelina Jolie never asked you, why your name was Gauri Prasad..!!

    6. When there is a ‘t’ in any name, they add ‘h’ to it.
    jayant – jayanth
    bharat – bharath
    Well, in Hindi you wrtie ‘Ta’ as t, and in Tamil we write ‘Tha’ as Th..!! Dont find faults with such silly matters.

    8. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones’s name, like Mahesh R, Sandeep T etc.
    Sorry, instead to keeping ‘Abhishek Anandkumar Khare’ or ‘Sunaina Swapan Teja’, we just name them as ‘Abhishek A.K’ and ‘Sunaina S.T’

    9. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy a set up box (Rs.4000).
    Hahaha…You guys where the ones who started making a big fuss about making Hindi Channels as paid Channels…we never wanted to watch Hindi here, so who cares.. Nobody uses STB (Set Top Box), Tamilians watch all south-indian languages for free..!!

    10. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
    Escuse me..!! Hahaha..!! Infosys or any other office in Bangalore, in Electronics City, is actually in Hosur Road..!! Dont expect Narayan Moorthy to build such a huge campus in the heart of the city..!! Ask questions that make sense..!!

    11. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then “dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye”, she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
    I saw a cute south-indian guy…But what??? Ohhh..!! Shucks, he is having Aloo Paratha 😥

    12.How dare anyone come to chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
    Be in Chennai learn something here, so that you could live anywhere in the world and stop making a upheaval with small matters of life.. They sent u here, so that u learn 🙂

    13. No life after 9 PM.
    Do u know what life is than just going to Disco’s and Pubs?? Partying and Boozing??

    14. No need to worry for Tsunami, because none will be left to cry on your grave.
    Atleast we wont sit and fight among ourselves, shoot or die cause of bomb blast..Oh Boy, i want to look sweet when i die, dont wanna look like a roasted chicken 😉

    No offence meant in this mail.. But just wanted to let you noe that DON’T BELIEVE ALL ARE TRUE.

    I live in Bangalore, and I do love this place, and I would love it anywhere I live..!! Learn to adjust, and not to make a big riot over static things in the world..!!

    Best Regards,
    Cheryle Jacob
    Software Engineer @ REU Bangalore
    REUD, Infosys Technologies Limited.

    Though being a non-tamilian, i am proud to be a Chennaite.

    ——————————————————————————–

    From: Mangesh Panditrao Aswar
    Sent: Tue 3/6/2007 9:04 PM
    To: Mathura Prabhaker; Kavitha Rajan; Cheryle Mariam Jacob; Charanya Sivakumar; Karthik Venkatraman; Karthik Thirupathy; Muralidhar S01; Suresh Pachaiappan
    Subject: FW: Chennai Update
    Guys….Is this true????

    This is one of my friends from Chennai cogni…Is that so???

    Thanks and Regards,
    Mangesh Aswar
    Infosys Technologies Ltd.

    ——————————————————————————–

    From: Ankur.Rathi@cognizant.com [mailto:Ankur.Rathi@cognizant.com]
    Sent: Monday, March 05, 2007 5:11 PM
    Subject: Chennai Update

    Hi friends,

    This is a live update from chennai.

    Language – Tamil, tamil and tamil. Even if they know hindi, they dont speak up.
    People – We never heard anyone laughing here (I wonder if they ever laugh or shout)
    So conservative, that noone talks even in the bus
    Food – Idly, sambhar, rice, dosa, vada, pongal
    We have to cook our food ourselves (unbelievable naa).
    Weather – summer from october to feb and rest of the year it’s deadly summer.
    Lesiure – TV, dormitery, dirty sea beaches on weekends
    Rent – 6.5 K / 1 BHK
    Advance – 6 months
    Aata – Rs. 26 /kg
    Apple – Rs 100 /kg
    Orange – Rs. 10/piece
    Banana – Rs 3 /piece
    Mausmi Juice -Rs 18 /glass
    Jeans Dryclean – Rs.40
    Phulka – Rs. 8 (idly also Rs.8)

    Interesting facts and incidents :
    1. Here you cannot buy a needle after 6 PM (strange).
    2. We asked an auto driver, “hindi aati hai”?. He replied in hindi “Hindi nahi aati”.
    3. The most common suffix here is ‘a’, e.g.
    straight – straighta
    2 cup tea – 2 cupa tea
    4. Even dogs eat curd rice.
    5. In north, names are like Gori Shankar, gauri prasad etc. Here the names are like Kaliraj, kalicharan etc.
    6. When there is a ‘t’ in any name, they add ‘h’ to it.
    jayant – jayanth
    bharat – bharath
    7. Here is a culture of adding mystical alphabets after ones’s name, like Mahesh R, Sandeep T etc.
    7. Cable connection is of no use here as only tamil channels are broadcasted on cable TV, if anyone wanna watch hindi channels then you need to buy a set up box (Rs.4000).
    8. Cognizant navallur office is actually not in chennai, it comes under a district called Chengalpet which is 51 kms from main city.
    9. Once we saw a girl in the food court, she was looking and acting like a north indian. My friend became exited and planned to talk to her, but just then we noticed her breakfast and then “dil ke armaan aansuon mein beh gaye”, she was having pongal. (disguise!!)
    10.How dare anyone come to chennai : Cognizant Chennai MCity comes under SEZ(special economic zone), swap and transfers from here are not possible.
    11. No life after 9 PM.
    12. No need to worry for Tsunami, because noone will be left to cry on your grave.

    Bye Bye (waiting for banglore, pune, hyderabad update)

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